17th November, '06

I met this interesting man in a train from Calcutta to Jamshedpur. He was old, probably in his mid 60’s - a humble Bengali gentleman and even though his clothes were shabby, he seemed very decent and respectable. He had a cup of tea with us, accepted the packet of chips we offered; we had a little chit-chat in English…quite obviously educated, he seemed sad and so when we asked him the cause of his grief he only told us what we know already – “it’s all fate. You never know where it’ll take you”. Seeing the cheerful bunch of teenagers suddenly becoming dull, he quickly gave us his blessings and left.

The catch? He was a beggar.

I was going through my own blog and I realised I've become a depressing, silly little loser *moan*
[Babe : You've always been depressing...what's new?? Princess of Gloom!
Me : Shut up. I've been very happy (almost giddy!) in the last few years. hmpf.]

I'll be better soon, I promise...just the "bad phase" we all hear about, I guess.

P.S...those who didn't understand, don't try. It's not meant for you.

Wit of the staircase

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could choose not to be affected by anything? What if we were fearless and could say whatever we wanted to say to whosoever, exactly when we wanted to say it…instead of curling up in our comfort blanket and contemplating what we’ll say to them the next day.

I hate being hurt, I hate crying. I wish I could do away with it. How do we undo our emotions? How can we feel strong when nothing goes right? I wonder if the want to be happy makes one a bad person...

I’ve realized that it’s better to swallow pain than talk about it and not be understood. Yes, maybe I’m a selfish bitch who cares a damn about you….but I still do get hurt and it’s not wrong. Yes, little silly things upset me…but that’s what separates me from the others, isn’t it?

Side-effects of job interviews!

I hate growing up.
I hate having to worry about getting a job.
I hate the fact that in my industry, the slutty, wannabe ass-wipes are doing better.

Yes, maybe I’m jealous and bitter...but I am justified. Some people doing better than me don’t deserve it...simple fact.

People suck. Their mentalities suck.
I hate people suddenly turning into scheming bastards for a simple job.

Where I stand, I see the whole utopian idea of “being a good human being” just vanish into thin air. Suddenly ‘batch mates’ are ‘competitors’ who apparently have nothing better to do than secretly plan about ‘snatching your seat’. God! I feel like I could choke every time someone says “friends” in a Group discussion...you can feel all the sarcasm and hatred just ooze out with that one small, meaningful word.
Barely 21 yr olds interacting with each other just to see how good they are compared to the other...to find each other’s weaknesses (so they know where to attack)...to know each other’s strengths (so they know where NOT to attack)...fighting for jobs...
THAT is what life has finally boiled down to.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to school...when people actually felt good for each other...when I actually had friends who cried with me (Shakun..Ahana, love you guys!)...when people would cheer each other up during stressful times...I could go on and on forever!

Miss everything about everything before college. I hope I can feel so intensely about college someday (seems very unlikely, but I do hope so!)

And yes, I did get a job too.