A-Z

Okay! Freelancer tagged me with this one almost about a month back…and I’ve just been a little too caught up! My bad! So here is the A-Z of me :)…

A – Available/Single? – Single and available are not the same thing! And the answer would be a ‘NO’ for both.

B – Best friend? – can’t pick one! I’m blessed with two.

C – Cake or Pie? – Cake mostly…umm but I’m sort of weird that way. No regular double/triple/quadruple chocolate for me!! I prefer fresh cream cakes…black forest, fresh cream-pineapple, etc etc. ooooh and cheesecakes! But warm apple pie with ice-cream/ whipped cream (or both!) -yum!

D – Do I want something right now?– Yes! Craving for the above mentioned cakes/pie now!

E – Essential item you use every day? – Well…toothbrush, keys, wallet, etc go without saying I suppose. SO I would say…kohl. In my defense…my eyes feel puffy if I don’t apply kohl. :P

F – Freedom to me is? – Unattainable for most of us. In the modern day, we mere mortals are bound by time.

G – Giggle / Laughter – a whole hearted laugh.

H – Heart / Brain –Brain! Ze heart is a lot of trouble!

I – Indulgence/ Addiction? – After Eight :). For people who don't know...it's a chocolate.

J – July or July? – January ;) …my birthday month!

K – Kids & their names? – errr… say what?

L - Life is – poetry in motion…sometimes we struggle to make the words rhyme and sometimes stumble upon beauty even in the total lack of rhythm.

M – Mistakes – multiple shots of tequila at 4 am! Haahah…ok jokes apart! Mistakes are essential to know what’s right for us.

N – Number of siblings? – Two loverly little sisters :)

O – One thing I hate to accept? – I get hurt easily. Whattodo foolish heart!

P – Pictures / Reality – reality captured in pictures.

Q – Quote for today? – ‘Multi-tasking - screwing everything up simultaneously’!

R – Reason behind my brain working these days? – Well, tried the heart…and let’s just say the heart and I had a li'l fallout! So back to the good ol’ brain!

S – Season? – Winter :)…snuggling up in couch in a cozy blanket, hot chocolate and a good book…walking around the house in an oversized sweater and colourful socks…going to sleep tucked in a warm, fluffy blanket…Christmas :)

T – Tag 3 People? – Hmm I tag the three people who really really want to do this tag!

U – Unknown fact about me? - I lick the bowl clean after finishing the soup in it. Fortunately, I don’t do this in public. :)

V – Vegetable you don't like? – Pumpkins. Hate it, hate it, hate it!!

W – Worst habit? – I can never reach anywhere on time!

X – X-rays you've had? – Quite some! Dislocated limbs, back injury, immigration procedures…enough?

Y – Yes?? Yuck??? – err…what do you want me to answer???

Z – Zodiac sign? – One helluva stubborn Capricorn!

The one

*Note: Slightly bolder terrain! Reader discretion advised*

If it was possible to choose who we fell in love with, she probably wouldn’t be sitting in the corner, alone, crying after he left.

They were strangers who were instantly attracted to one another. She was floored by his confident disposition and flattered by his undivided attention. He was spellbound by her mystique. He told her he wanted her...it had been long since she’d felt that desired and just knowing so made her want to give in to him completely. She knew at that very moment that what was to happen from that point on, would be irreversible. He would be the one man she would never forget.

Things were simple. They were two weathered souls who no longer believed in the happily ever after. They were adults aware of their wants and desires and made no charade of emotions. All that was unnecessary. He wanted her and she longed to be cherished.

Simple?

Or so it seemed.

She fell in love with him. He did not. He never would...he’d made certain she knew that. She was special to him and he wouldn’t dare do anything to hurt her. She was free to walk out of their “arrangement” anytime. He spoke very little…considered it a waste of time in which he’d rather make love to her. The passion with which he devoured her in bed left her breathless and weak. Love was never to be mentioned. But that could not stop her from hopelessly falling in love with the one man she would never have.

Her entire day was spent in anticipation of the few hours he’d spend with her in the evening. She knew so little about his life but there was a silent agreement that they’d meet at her apartment when he wanted to see her. He’d stay for a few hours; sometimes even late into the night. But he’d never stay the night. He’d be uncomfortable when she’d fall asleep in his arms and would wake her up to wish her a good night and drive away. It all had to happen by his rules. It was at these times, after he left, that she’d breakdown and weep inconsolably in the emptiness of her apartment and her life. For once she wanted to fall asleep feeling him breathe and wake up in his arms. She wished he’d ask her about her day and hold her a little longer. She longed to be a part of his life. She longed to be loved despite knowing that he would never love again.

She cried so hard, she could feel her body tremble. She wrapped her arms around herself…lonely, afraid of the realization that she too, would never love again.

Rambling

It’s been long since I’ve written anything. After moving to London, my life took a dramatic turn. Unfortunately, not a pleasant one. I wrote lesser and chose to suffer in silence instead. Personally, I hit rock bottom. Going back home was not just about meeting family, but also an opportunity for me to renew myself and gain back the strength I’d lost. And I did. I made a conscious decision to be a stronger, wiser person and write more often because writing keeps me sane. For me, not writing can either be a wonderful thing or a sign that something’s terribly wrong. Sadly this time, it’s the latter. After that frightful night, I feel like I'm spiralling back into the same darkness again. I feel too numb to write. My heart’s heavy, eager to let it all out...but I don’t have the words.

Do you know how much you’re hurting me? If you care, then tell me so...please don’t pretend not to. Your cold, vicious words break my strong resolve every time. No matter how hard I try to be indifferent, pretend that you don’t matter...truth is I’m miserably in love with you and it isn’t in my power to undo it. I can’t tell you so because I’m scared that if I do, I’ll only give you the power to hurt me more. But is it that difficult to see?

As corny as it may be...there’s a famous dialogue from Notting Hill reeling in my head for the past few days...

“I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her”

I'm not as strong and cold as you think I am.