You know who you are
I've lived quite a while in a heart aching guilt, for you are my best friend. You're the one person I knew I could turn to no matter what. I did not hurt you intentionally...I thought you knew that...no, you told me you knew. We'd promised that we'd always put our friendship above all feelings and yet you failed. For the past few months, I've been trying so hard to just get my best friend back while you've only been difficult- like an stubborn, selfish child whose candy has been snatched. What you did that day was the last straw. I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to live in this fantasy that our friendship is unique. It is not. It's driven by your own selfish motive. I've realized that the only reason you even want to remain friends with me is because you want something out of me.
So from now on, I will stop. I'm not going to let you drive me into feeling guilty all the time. We both made mistakes...but I took all the responsibility to make amendments. Now you go ahead and do something so vile, so hateful...it makes my blood boil when I think about it. Yes, you're right when you say that we both hurt each other but you're sadly wrong when you say I don't have the rights to be angry at you. You know why? Because one of us didn't hurt the other one intentionally...guess who that was!?
I'm done feeling guilty. I'm done believing you.You can brood and sulk all alone now.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
8th Jan, 2009
So well, after attending to phone calls all night (and early morning), at around 7:45 am, I decided there was really no point trying to sleep. So, after rolling around in my super-cozy blanket a few more times, I dragged myself out of bed. Then I helped myself to a breakfast of a hearty chunk of extra gooey chocolate cake with a generous dollop of whipped cream *heaven*. Then I danced my way to the shower and of course the water was just luxuriously warm. THEN I spent almost an hour and half with my deliciously-red-good-enough-to-eat Pomegranate Body Polish and almost-reminds-me-of-Hawaii Coconut and Almond Oil Hair Conditioner... and an additional half an hour with my sweetly scented (with a hint of vanilla) Brazil Nut Body Butter.
Final touch: the zesty, spicy, musky, oh-so-aptly-named Fuel For Life Unlimited by Diesel.
Ah. Bliss. I love being the birthday girl.