Love-Lust

Random scribble.

Bold content. Children, don't read!

Unabashedly our lips meet –

Mine soft against yours

A silent moan,

A heavy sigh,

Passion blazing through.

A gentle caress,

An urgent embrace,

An insatiable thirst.

A need,

The greed,

As our bodies become one.

Driftwood

There’s so much that has been unsaid-

Waiting to be set free,

Bound by tempers and tantrums,

Silenced by distances between you and me.

We look at each other longingly

Intentionally brushing skin to skin;

We try to revive the dying flames

Of a fire that burnt deep within.

We’re left with shreds of sanity,

We cling to the reminiscence of love;

We chase a dream that once was-

A dream lost in the push and shove.

We exit in cool contempt,

Gathering bullets on our way...

Tattered and torn we reach out,

As always, we were late today.

Words collapse to pauses,

Pauses melt into eternity,

And as we waited for a moment to speak-

One day, we became you and me.

Apologies for being away for so long...no big reason. Just uninspired, maybe too busy, maybe too lazy and maybe a little numb. Whatever it may be, there really is no justification.

In other news, I'm back in the City of Joy for good and enjoying the lovely onset of winter wonderfulness! No promises, but I will try to be as frequent in blogsville as I can. For all those who've still remembered this space and tried to check up on me...thank you so very much! I will catch up on all your posts soon!

Love...

When I Say Goodbye

You’ll be gone soon.

You’ll be dead

The day I start to live;

I’ll drift you away

Like a feather in space...

I bid you farewell.

Alive

Happy to be alive

Amongst mangled, skeletal remains,

In the afterthought of life…

Lost in ambiguity,

Life gushing through severed veins.

Happy to be alive,

Happily undone and undead -

Like a chapter unfinished,

Like a letter that was never read.

I bask in your toxic existence,

Reminiscent of ash and dust;

I flirt with the dark shadows,

And watch love evaporate to lust.

I chase swirls of blackened smoke

And follow you into the unlit road,

I see a monster in the mirror…

I am exactly what you showed.

This year

2009.

This is the year I’ll never forget. If I could squeeze in some drama, I’d tell you that this is the year that has changed me forever. Such has been the impact. This year I've lost more friends than I’ve made. I’ve learnt to hate and tell people I hate them…I’ve forgotten how to tell the ones I love, that, I love them. I’ve learnt too much restraint for my own good.

I still haven’t learnt to lie with a straight face. Some things should never change :).

I've had my heart broken and trampled over only to burn with a stubborn desire to love. Though not happily, but I have learnt to try not to hold things to my heart…it hurts lesser or maybe my heart’s too numb, who knows! 2009 has been witness to the kind of love I never knew existed. Yet, this year will be the year I’ve craved for love the most. I don’t think that’s something I’ll put myself through ever again. I’ve come to accept that it isn’t anybody’s fault that I don’t have faith in them. I don’t understand faith too well. The day I do, I’ll welcome it with open arms.

This year I’ve lost something I never had. I’ve lamented, regretted and wished I could turn back time and do things differently. I’ve learnt that some damages are irreparable…and that some losses are irreplaceable.

It’s been a tough year, this 2009. This is the first year that I’ve lived away from home…learnt to cook and clean and be good at it! It sounds quite trivial, I know, but it is undoubtedly one of the most important things I've learnt. If I may brag a bit (since it is my blog!)…some of my friends here have told me that some of the dishes I make are better than what they get back home. I also baked a fruit cake this Christmas that people mistook for a store bought cake….oh the pride! :)

This year has reinforced one solid belief in my life – I have kickass friends! If you guys are reading this (and you know who you are!), I want you to know that you guys have given me all the strength I needed, whenever I needed it. I love you all so very much!

It is not so much a belief as it is a fact…I have a beautiful, loving family and there is absolutely nothing more important to me than them. I’m certain that’s something that won’t change either.

It’s been a roller coaster…this 2009…

Embers

Don’t look into my heart,

There’s nothing left to see…

Just a few dying embers,

Leftovers from a fantasy.

Shut the door behind you,

Shut the door as you leave;

The darkness echoes the calm

My heart feels after I grieve.

Let hope fade into oblivion,

Don’t come near me again…

Your touch revives love,

A love that invokes pain.

You’re all I have left in me,

Only you make me whole;

Instead of killing me little by little,

Put a bullet through my soul.

whirlwind and lightning bolts

Ok people, this is the place I ramble in when I’m upset…so no sympathy, kapish?

Nothing’s quite right. The past one month has been a roller coaster…of events and emotions I could never prepare myself for. Yet, I’m unusually numb…like I don’t care. My mind and my heart are playing tricks on me…the pain doesn’t even seem real and yet it’s real enough to keep me awake all night, night after night and make my heart ache – literally. I’m not strong enough to deal with so much all at once…and so I do what I do best – I keep pushing it back, hoping it’ll disappear somewhere in the already cluttered, cobwebbed past.

Something terrible happened recently. Right then, all I knew was that I needed my best friend because I didn’t want to be alone. She consoled me knowing I was crumbled inside; she coaxed me to cry, scream even if necessary. I just sat there looking down, fiddling with random objects…suffocated. She cried for me while I just sat there. I’m drained of all energy to react to pain and recover from it. Or maybe somewhere in my subconscious mind, I don’t want to anymore. I’m tired of being hurt every single time. Maybe I want to be completely destroyed…because from there, the only way is Up. I’m stuck somewhere in between and sinking so agonizingly slow that I can feel every painful jab at my soul.

On a lighter note…I did something different and outrageous this time around. I usually am a collected person even when I’m angry (USUALLY). I’d much rather ignore dirt and vent out here instead. This time, I didn’t bother. The bitch deserved it. Here’s an excerpt from a recent text I sent to a dear friend:

“…I think you owe him and me an apology for behaving like a drunken slut. Just thought I’d remind you because you obviously don’t have the decency or the shame.”

Verbally, there was much more. A house mate tells me the Bong in me finally surfaced *snigger*

Drunken Slut is what she will be known as from now on. I like it.

I’m (usually) not the bitchy kind. I despise these damsel-in-distress kinds. But when one makes alcohol an excuse and throws herself at my guy in my absence? I will hurt you till you cry.

Yes, Hell hath no wrath like a woman scorned.

Dare

I dare you to break boundaries,

And freefall into this abyss;

I dare you to take a chance,

And be dead or find your bliss.

Be tired of running away

To find your way back home;

Dare to hold on to eternity

In shifting oceans of foam.

Make the biggest mistake -

And let happiness in your heart;

Let the sun shine upon you…

Dare to make a new start.

Hope! Expect! Want!

Rightfully demand for me!

Claim your place in my heart…

I'm yours…or can’t you see?

Give in to yourself -

To what you and I could be;

I dare you to close your eyes,

And give yourself to me.