Saturday

Saturday

23^rd September, 2006

There was a loud screech and before he could understand anything, he was surrounded by shards of glass, twisted metal and the smell of burnt rubber. Then a sharp pain jabbed him in his ribs and he could taste blood…he tried to move but his limbs betrayed him. He had to call for help but his cell phone was nowhere in sight…he mouthed a bleak “help” but even he couldn’t hear his own voice. It was so dark and the trees blocked every bit of light…everything seemed to freeze around him. He could feel his heart beat faster, his head reeled with all the unfinished work…all the promises he wouldn’t be able to keep…the smiles he would no longer see…the tears he'd no longer wipe…the touch he’d no longer feel…

His entire life unfolded in front of his eyes...did she know how much he loved her? That she’d always been on his mind since the day he’d seen her? He had to tell her that the only reason why he wasn’t listening to her complain that day was because he couldn't stop thinking how incredibly beautiful she looked with that tiny droplet of water trickling down from her wet hair to her glistening, red cheeks…

He loved hearing her hum along with the radio when she was cooking…he looked forward to it everyday while coming back from work. But, did she know? He desperately wanted to tell her that she wasn’t a bad singer at all…her voice was mesmerizing…

She needed to know how sorry he was for screaming at her last month…it was only a car! He should’ve told her how relieved he was that she was unhurt. He wanted to let her know how much he hated himself for all the times he screamed at her...given another chance, he’d correct himself…just ONE chance…

He wasn’t ungrateful…he thanked God everyday for her presence in his life. He was so grateful to her for standing by his side through his difficult times…for holding him even when he pushed her away…for understanding when he needed to be alone…for never forcing him to go shopping with her…for not asking him to run any errands during cricket matches…for picking up after him everyday for the last four years! How he wished he would’ve held her once and thanked her out loud…

She needed to know that he wasn’t jealous of her success…he was only frustrated with his failure. He was proud of her, very very proud. He was sorry for the time he snapped at her and asked her not to talk about work…he wished with all his heart now that she hadn’t obeyed. He had seen the sadness in her eyes…he should’ve apologised right then.

The only reason why he got angry when she cut her hair was because he would miss the way her hair picked up the breeze and gently grazed his face when they went out for their walk every night…the way it fell on her face when she slept, he would miss pushing that particular lock of hair away from her face in the middle of the night when he got up for a glass of water. He cursed himself for being angry…she looked beautiful anyway!

He had to explain that never for once he suspected her or doubted her love…it was only that colleague he didn’t trust; he wished she’d seen that bastard’s dirty gaze! Like a fool, he had taken out his anger on her, as if it was her fault....how he wished he could tell her it wasn't. God, he loved how simple she was…how she wouldn’t think ill about anyone…he was worried that it would be this simplicity of hers that would put her in harm’s way…

She was the only reason why he looked forward to coming back home from work for the last seven years...how would she ever know now...

He gasped for air as he felt a sharp pain shooting up to his head; but that felt like nothing compared to the pain he felt in his soul for not being able to tell her how much he loved her...how desperately he wanted her back...

His heart broke with the thought that she'd be waiting and how he'd disappoint her again...his grip tightened around the letter, now soaked in his blood, as he breathed his last…

My love…

I know you love me; I can still feel it in my heart…the very heart which is now very confused as to why its only companion is so lost, so changed…I have nobody in this world but you and it pains me so much to see our love die each day…

Seven years back we promised to resolve every fight with a hug. We promised we’d sort it out in between kisses (“if we pull away”, is what you used to say)...every time we have a fight now and you push me away, I wonder if you’ve forgotten. No...I KNOW you’ve forgotten.

Too much has been taken for granted…too much has been forgotten, put aside. So I must do this for that forgotten love…I know you’ll never realise unless I go away. Know it within your heart that I will never stop loving you. Take as much time as you need and come to me only when you’re certain. I’ll wait for you…every Saturday, where we first met…just like old times.

…Forever yours